Darling, I am 

not here 

 

No. I am

not here

with you

 

I do not breathe

with you

I only share

your air

choking on

the clutches of my care

for you, yes

for the sweet cream

of this dream where

we can be

connected:

our roots, our worth

our cells our breath --

 

Darling, please

linger and seep

through the walls of my organs

Please pull me from the dank

of the day, my ungrateful,

unworthy, tell me I’m pretty 

and pity me for all of my sad stories

Tell me to come back from

this cave, all perfect and pointy

all cool, controlled and

 

Crying warms the body, you know

Crying sticks a hand down

the throat and

grabs at the guts

Crying listens to the liver

learning

why

we are here

 

And why are we here?

It can’t just be to breathe

Or surely we’ll run

out of air

Surely these ruminations that

tweeze beneath my skin are

bleeding us out for some 

purpose

So

“keep going,” they say

“Don’t stop,” they say

“Keep doing and thinking and doing and thinking and doing and thinking and thinking and thinking more doing keep doing, now thinking, try thinking, do trying, keep trying, try harder, be harder, think harder, be better, faster, stronger, smarter, sweeter, keep doing and thinking and doing and thinking and doing and yes, Yes, YES”

 

No. I am

not here.

Just this body

who I pick

at and squeeze

out. Contort to

live for them or you —

so lost inside

that all I seem

to do

is write

about the tears

that warm

my frozen parts

So

 

Darling, please

I think

it’s best

you leave

me to

it.