Up in the air

"Up in the air," was created on the roof of my apartment in Bushwick, Brooklyn. This series was inspired by the art and murals that line the streets (and rooftops) of that area. I was also greatly inspired by the pigeons and people I met in the city.

While creating these paintings, I was grappling with feelings of insecurity, social anxiety and repeating unhealthy patterns. The series was featured in October 2022 at Abracadabra Magic Deli in Brooklyn, NY; several pieces remain as permanent installations

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Chasing birds

Birds get tired, ya know

Fly or die bitch

Whatever you want, sweets

I’d never say that

What do we even talk of?

Why is lying a skill?

How many of me would you like to meet?

What is IT?

IT is what IT is

when IT is

then IT isn’t

time passed

Let IT Go...

Not if blinded by trying to See

NOW WHAT?

Hiding my cards

I spent the day deciding what to do and so I did nothing... that’s ok, sweets

i can’t tell what you want so I’ll hide my cards

What’s in you deep deep?

Hey. Hi. Hello. I’m not here... usually... working on that

I don’t know who I do it for... but! Aren’t we all connected and! I can know without feeling I can even when I CAN’T takes practice takes patience I’m always talking about meditation to be is to be free... sounds rather lovely. It’s magic if you say so so why not, bro?

Protect my sweetness

I be but a cube of sugar, when licking is on the table / Where’d she go?

All the time is yours / Only ask / Or I’ll ask

For i’ve sized and seized version and vision with yours

Safe / Not really

Never safe from deep dark desire of wanting Wanting

No one wants to trap a bird, really / Where’d she go?

She fell asleep in her mind / sweetness escaping

Heated / life intense and short

Heated / bouncing particle

Heated / wanting Wanting

cool with water, Listen

more to life than heat

Got too heated

do you LOVE ME?

i don't know where you are but if you wanted what i wanted i want to want you fully but not so fully. not yet. so that no space forms other. i like space. lot’s. i like options and dancing among them options. so just tell me where your heart be so i can put you in your proper box. but no box for me. i must always always feel free. or off. protect me? i’ll go. goodbye. when will i see you again? pull the mind back to the time and space and task and hand. thoughts to be had. have them. be nude to yourself. what am I risking? Risking? Rejection. but of course. i don’t like you, they say. but, then, you don’t know the me that is always worthy. what is strength? Really? patience trust life in in life I am aware YET?

i fear the pain i bring myself from not knowing? what is knowing? what do you know of me.....

HOW Else Will I know that I’m special? art. what art. my heart? art. when my thoughts learn patience. when might i find in solace my thoughts? perhaps when my thoughts learn patience.

Looking for my missing piece

I’m trying to do it different but all I want is same. I guess that’s the issue, the brain that says that same is good and that good is happy and that all else is bad because I don’t understand it. I can’t picture it perfect and sweetly in a steady mental sense. Mental, no? I like control, want control, and fear control all at once. I want to envision a world of perfection in my mind and escape from the bitterness of reality. Bitterness and sweetness sometimes. My ears are a bit bloodied with wanting more attention and power, usage really. I do not listen. Or I listen but I do not hear. Too buzzy brain bussing. Mental, no? i make art to cauterize the burns I’ve got grasping the sun society told me to touch.

Fire playing with water

try so hard to be happy it’ll make you sad

sometimes I get mad at the wind

feeling is emotional exercise

why’s it so much easier to think of wrongs in my’s

I prefer laughter to superficial sighs

why’s take time to bake into wisdom

Artificial Sweeteners

ON Wanting WANTING; Sweetness wAnts her sugar... Explosions can be good... WHAT’S GOOD? OK? u r wut u eat and I Eat bananas? Impatience stems from Wanting.. rooted in insecurity (not enough) STOP sweetS I’d rather be a tree Yes? i’m Listening... sometimes you have to start with trying so you can be freely Let’s BE Real

Feeling blue instead of grey

Why do I treat my past like my present

future too

Two fires create a cave creature

I a m she but I a m a

and I a m i

am one many both

sometimes always something

everything i a m we we are they

I am a person of many

Dear sweet pea

Why’s it so hard to hold things?

MAYBE CAUSE I KEEP ASKING...WHY? Don’t know why I feel I need to be perfect all the time but I kinda do know SO WHY CAN’T I STOP? It’s ok to be tired, just don’t lie, sweets I think I need some AIR

Don’t cross over and you’ll never learn SHOULD is a dangerous word, no?

I’m just so flawed it’s funny HA! CiNDERELLA DIDN’T SHAVE

NEVER ENOUGH PRETTY

I’m letting you go sweet pea... well. I’m loving you by letting go of who you think you should be...

Dear wild bird

Emotions are energy to be recycled...

Let their Power fuel your Freedom Sometimes I get mad at the wind

Searching blind for life on Mars

wrap me tight in moss and spoon me sweetness, only and always sweetness swallow mallows at a time, in time, all the time, waisting time Searching for first bite highs Sometimes, life feels rather strangled seek out culprit hands and grip grows tighter, vision slighter Yet, we scoff at the purpose and practice of patience and bloody our hands trying at our knots.

WHERE’S MY MOSS?

Insecurity killed the cat

I went to the roof to be with the birds

canopy level of this urban jungle. I feel

safe when I’m alone in my body, scared in my mind. Reversed with people. All these strangers.

My friends. All these strangers. Leaves sometimes too. I added some feathers because my cousin told me to. I do like them for me. Sometimes, I must listen to see.

Creativity saved the kid

Improvising takes trusting floating...

won’t be everyone’s taste...

I am so scared of what they’ll think...

that’s why I’m always trying... feels rather stale, no?

WHEN WiLL I StART Listening?

Fill me empty

Woke up hungry and drank coffee, empty

Watched a film on 2 oranges, empty

a film of a blond in Japan trying to learn a new language trying so hard she gets in everyone’s way, decided to stay, she’d overstay didn’t care, driven by desire to share and filled people with the warm of her ramen

Went and walked, empty

Ate ramen in my ramen socks, sat in a box, drank from a box, filled me warm with Ramen, Full

spoke to say hello, nothing more, Full

belly bulging with gulping slurps of yellow, Full

What will fill me empty?

it’s in the apple, wanting

When will I learn to love you? Sweet Pea? I love you don’t you listen? See what we’ve CREATED? Lovely... I never asked for perfection... That was you, sweets, on your quest for IT

perfection, validation, meaning, love, positive emotion all wantable things

It will come just be patient, open, and stop trying

IT is everything IT is nothing WE made (make) IT up...

WE don’t need IT so just KEEP making... or stop. I CAN’T STOP

WE DON’T NEED IT / WE MADE IT UP. WE NEED WE (community)

HOW MANY ARE WE?

it’s in the eyes, seeing

Listening is what keeps one from staring at the sun until blinded...

If you like (love) the sun, learn listening. I know I’m no good at this...

at least I’m creative...

When DiD Being Mean get so cool?

I wish the empathetic were in charge...

Need more water

I am I

IAM I believe in all but I

I am I repeat things I TRY to Listen but I keep speakING

CROSSOVER... FIRE + WATER = TEA

I get MADLY CONFUSed I AM TRYING so hard trying I can’t stop I

use My Fingers I

NEED MORE WATER

It’s your life... you can decide what’s magic

I WANT to know but I CAN’T WANT TO Prove but there’s nothing

to Balance

doing and being

listening and speaking

floating and grounding

ratios MAY VARY

LISTEN To feel FREE

Burn to grow

HoW AND WHAT AND WHY?

And will they like me? And will I like me?

And will I like? Me?

I’M just A MEAN ROUTINE MACHINE...

They don’t make Sunday underwear, day of GOD

Maybe I’ll make some for myself

There is no Point or we’d pop it

What am I looking for?

Stable perfection

I know I won’t find it

But I can’t stop looking

If only I could listen...

Thing is, I can listen.

I know it I’m drawn to the heat of seeing

Burnt flower. Deflated toast.

Is i wanting

see me so I may see myself

how else will I know

that I exist?

I attach to my thoughts and they become real constructions

As do their consequences

Of having or not having . realness . and so

I feel scared.. in my conceptual reality

Why must I hold such power?

Take my tools away please

seeing: experience without caution (style of learning)

balance with

listening: patience, practice, cautious steps (style of learning)

patient practice + doing shit

I don’t wish to work in my construction

I’d rather be a tree

I'd rather just be. Ya know?

What’s the point? Nothing

That’s the point. Everything

There is no point. Only Noticing

Using color as guidance

cheated magic costs a cheated price

to accept obsession is less than or equal to detachment

or equal to

that’s the point

Compassion is IT

None of it matters

cause' compassion

is IT.

Se me?

wanting

do it right. Make em'

proud. All of em'. Make

you proud. Me proud

That's IT...

trying's not IT but

it's part of IT

all. That's IT.

Trees of the same

Forest

independently dependent

dependently independent

for them for me

forests of the same

Tree

wanting to see

wanting to listen

all of IT becomes it

through wanting

and that's ok. just be

aware. Just notice

all if it becomes IT

through noticing

Compassion is IT.

Learning from air

I feel like something

profound should go

here. I kept (keep)

looking for something perfect

I’d like to stop trying